Washington D.C. -- So, NASA's Artemis III is officially a bust. No moon landing anytime soon, folks. Turns out, those pesky “technical glitches” are a real problem when you're trying to, you know, leave the planet. Our newly appointed administrator, Jared Isaacman, bless his heart, announced that instead of, like, doing the thing we promised, we're going to…do something else. Probably involving more 'low-Earth orbit tests' which translates to circling the globe a few times while burning taxpayer cash.

Remember when they said they were gonna land the “first woman and person of color” on the moon? Well, that's still the plan…eventually. But now we're gonna do a couple more practice runs before risking our astronauts' lives. Because apparently, making a rocket that doesn't leak hydrogen is harder than writing a press release about inclusivity.

The geniuses over at the Aerospace Safety Advisory Panel are all, “Uh, guys, this is kinda risky.” No freakin’ kidding! Spending billions to build a rocket that might explode isn’t exactly risk-free. Turns out, skipping steps and rushing things because you have woke points to score isn't the best way to get to the moon. Who knew?

They say they're taking an “incremental approach” now. Which is code for “we screwed up, and we're backpedaling faster than Kamala Harris at a border visit.” Remember when Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin bounced around on the moon in '69? They managed to do that without 50 years of DEI training and sensitivity seminars. Maybe that's the secret.

So what's next? More delays. More cost overruns. More virtue signaling about how diverse and inclusive the space program is while the Chinese are probably building a moon base as we speak. Expect lots of taxpayer money to disappear into the black hole of NASA bureaucracy.

I'm sure there will be plenty of woke initiatives, perhaps some more funding for 'climate change research' that conveniently pads the pockets of academics while offering absolutely no tangible improvements to the mission. And of course, there will be constant reminders of NASA's commitment to “equity” and “social justice” - because nothing says scientific achievement like identity politics.

The Artemis II mission, the one where they fly around the moon without landing, is also delayed because of a “helium flow blockage.” Seriously, you can’t make this stuff up. A freaking HELIUM BLOCKAGE. It’s like something out of a rejected episode of the Benny Hill Show. Maybe they should have consulted with Elon Musk before embarking on this clown show.

In short, expect more of the same: promises, delays, excuses, and exorbitant bills. But hey, at least we're making progress in the area of diversity, equity, and inclusion…right? Just don't expect to see anyone actually walking on the moon anytime soon. Sad! Space Force, get in here.