MILAN – Alright, folks, let's cut the woke baloney. A tram in Milan went off the rails – literally – and smashed into a building, leaving two stiffs and dozens hobbling. Suddenly, everyone's an expert, blaming everything from climate change to systemic racism. But let's be real: the driver probably screwed up. Maybe he was playing Pokemon Go, maybe he was just incompetent. Either way, Occam's Razor points directly at the guy behind the controls.

So, a tram took a scenic detour into a building. The mayor, Giuseppe Sala, is wringing his hands, the Italian Prime Minister, Giorgia Meloni, is offering “deepest condolences” (as if that'll bring anyone back), and the usual suspects are gearing up to demand more government spending and virtue-signaling initiatives. Meanwhile, the actual problem – a likely case of human error – gets buried under a mountain of politically correct garbage.

Witnesses are saying the tram was hauling ass. Speed limits? What are those? Apparently, the driver missed the last stop and may have forgotten how track switches work. Sounds like someone needs to lay off the grappa before their shift starts. But don't worry, the EU will probably issue a strongly worded statement about the importance of tram safety and demand more regulations that nobody will follow anyway.

One poor soul got turned into a pancake under the tram, while another passenger checked out early inside the metal deathtrap. Prosecutor Marcello Viola, sounding like Captain Obvious, called the impact on the building “devastating.” No kidding, Sherlock. It’s safe to say it wasn't a paper cut. You don't need a PhD to understand that trams don't belong inside buildings.

Milan just wrapped up hosting the Winter Olympics and is gearing up for the Paralympics. Clearly, all that woke virtue signaling didn't prevent a tram from going rogue. Maybe they should focus less on pronouns and more on, you know, making sure the trains run on time… and on the tracks.

Of course, the media is already trying to spin this into a broader commentary on the state of Italian infrastructure. Because apparently, one distracted tram driver is a metaphor for the collapse of Western Civilization. Newsflash: things break. People make mistakes. Get over it.

Let’s not forget the fashionistas. Milan Fashion Week is in full swing. I'm sure they’re all deeply concerned as they’re sipping champagne, that is when they aren’t draped in clothes that probably cost more than that tram that is now embedded into a shop.

The aftermath is the usual clown show. Politicians promising investigations, talking heads pontificating about safety regulations, and lawyers salivating at the prospect of lucrative lawsuits. Meanwhile, the real lesson – pay attention to what you're doing and maybe don't drive a tram if you're half-asleep – gets completely ignored.

So, next time you see a tram, remember the Milan Speedrun. And maybe, just maybe, cross the street.

Sources: * ANSA News Agency (for basic facts, not their opinions) * Agence France-Presse (AFP) (ditto) * My Highly Developed Sense of Sarcasm