Corporate Overlords at Paramount Snatch Up WBD: Get Ready for Woke HBO
Netflix bails on the Warner Bros. Discovery deal, leaving CNN and CBS News employees triggered over potential mergers and the horror of... *checks notes* ...Bari Weiss?

Well, folks, the suits are at it again. Netflix, apparently realizing they were about to catch a woke grenade, backed out of the Warner Bros. Discovery (WBD) deal, leaving the field wide open for Paramount Skydance to swoop in and add another trophy to their collection of soul-crushing media empires. Naturally, this has sent the perpetually outraged staffers at CNN and CBS News into a full-blown meltdown. Their biggest fear? Potential job cuts! (Because, you know, contributing to the dissemination of propaganda is a right, not a privilege). Oh, and the looming specter of... Bari Weiss? Apparently, the thought of a gasp conservative commentator potentially having influence at CNN is enough to send these fragile flowers running for their fainting couches. One anonymous CNN producer – probably sporting a Che Guevara t-shirt under their ironically expensive blazer – whined about a "disaster" and the "end of the global network Ted Turner founded." Cry me a river. Maybe if CNN spent less time pushing narratives and more time reporting facts, they wouldn't be in this mess. Of course, the usual suspects are chiming in with their predictable takes. Some dude from the "Freedom of the Press Foundation" – sounds legit – is warning that Paramount Skydance CEO David Ellison will "throw the first amendment under the bus." Translation: He might not let CNN get away with outright lying anymore. The whole thing is peak Clown World. You've got corporations gobbling each other up, virtue-signaling journalists terrified of a dissenting opinion, and the constant promise of more woke garbage polluting our screens. But hey, at least we'll have more seasons of Succession to distract us from the impending collapse of Western Civilization. So grab your popcorn, folks. The show's just getting started. As the unelected bureaucrats in various agencies determine if this deal violates one of their many rules, just sit back and relax, citizen. It's all been decided for you anyway. The elites consolidate, the useful idiots cry and the show goes on. Now if you excuse me, I have to go yell at a cloud.

