Alright, folks, gather 'round the digital campfire because the circus is back in town. This time, it's starring Sylvia Sims Bolton, a Waukegan, Illinois, alderman, who apparently thought it would be a great idea to allegedly submit her deceased mother's vote-by-mail ballot. I mean, who hasn't considered it? It's practically a civic duty in some blue states.

Now, the Usual Suspects will be quick to tell you this is an 'isolated incident' and that voter fraud is a myth perpetrated by right-wing extremists. Sure, Jan. But even a blind squirrel finds a nut sometimes, and this particular nut landed right in the lap of the Lake County State's Attorney's Office. Two charges, including a Class 4 Felony? Sounds like someone's about to learn a valuable lesson about not messing with the afterlife's voting bloc.

Illinois GOP Chairman Bob Grogan is calling for her resignation, which, let's be honest, is the least she could do. But don't expect any apologies from the Dem establishment. They'll just deflect, distract, and accuse you of being a racist for even thinking about questioning their election integrity.

Election integrity advocate Jason Snead from the Honest Elections Project had the gall to point out the obvious: 'Mail ballots are especially vulnerable.' Oh, you think? It's almost like sending ballots to every Tom, Dick, and Harry (including the deceased) might create some opportunities for shenanigans. But hey, who needs secure elections when you can virtue signal about 'accessibility'?

And let's not forget the 'automated systems' designed to flag irregularities. Apparently, even those woke algorithms couldn't miss the glaring red flag of a dead person voting. Good job, Skynet, you've earned your Soylent ration for the day.

Meanwhile, the rest of us are left wondering how many other 'isolated incidents' have slipped through the cracks. Because if they're this brazen about allegedly using dead people's votes, what else are they getting away with? The truth is out there, Mulder, and it's probably even more depressing than you imagined. The scary part? This 'one-off' incident is actually pretty common sense, according to Illinois GOP Chairman Bob Grogan, who said, 'A dead person voting, that you're actually aware that they're dead, is the easiest voter fraud to find.'

So, what's the solution? Well, for starters, maybe we should stop pretending that mail-in voting is the holy grail of democracy. And maybe, just maybe, we should start taking election integrity seriously. But hey, that's just crazy talk from a right-wing extremist. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go register my cat to vote. It's only fair.

After all, as Honest Elections Project's Jason Snead said, 'This case also shows how essential it is to maintain clean voter rolls,' but especially when 'too many states—particularly blue states—actively resist commonsense safeguards.'

So strap in, buttercups, because this is just the beginning. The midterms are coming, and you know what that means: more shenanigans, more outrage, and more memes. And who knows, maybe next time, it'll be your dead grandma voting for the Green New Deal.