Oh, great, just when you thought the only thing floating in the English Channel was migrants, Channel 4 drops 'Dirty Business,' a three-part docudrama that’s basically 'Jaws' for sewage. Turns out, those cozy swims in the briny might be less 'refreshing dip' and more 'E. coli cocktail,' thanks to our friends at the privatized water companies. Remember when they told us privatization would be more efficient? Yeah, about that...

This isn't some conspiracy theory cooked up in a basement – this is prime-time TV exposing the fact that these companies are dumping untreated effluent into our rivers and seas faster than you can say 'Brexit dividend.' The heroes? David Thewlis and Jason Watkins, playing real-life amateur sleuths who probably have better things to do than track raw sewage, but hey, someone's gotta clean up the mess (literally).

The drama centers around the tragic death of an eight-year-old girl who caught E. coli after a trip to a Devon beach. Jury ruled it 'misadventure' – because, of course, corporate negligence and regulatory capture are just accidents, right? The girl's family witnessed the raw sewage spewing out of a pipe like something out of a low-budget horror film. And you thought shark attacks were scary.

Now, the normies are panicking, downloading water-monitoring apps like they're trying to catch 'em all. One poor sap found their beloved south coast beach sporting a big red dot, courtesy of Southern Water. Their charming message? 'Sewage pollution alert. Southern Water is responsible for this discharge.' Thanks for the heads-up, guys! So helpful.

But here's the kicker: the Environment Agency, the supposed watchdogs, are about as effective as a screen door on a submarine. They’re either asleep at the wheel or actively complicit, failing to prosecute these companies for their blatant violations. It's almost like the revolving door between government and big business is less a door and more a slip-n-slide lubricated with… well, you get the picture.

Of course, the Lefties are screaming for nationalization, because the government has such a stellar track record of managing things efficiently (see: NHS waiting lists). But let's be honest, throwing more taxpayer money at a broken system isn't the solution. What we need are real consequences for corporate malfeasance. Fines that actually hurt, jail time for executives, and a regulatory framework with teeth sharper than a great white.

Meanwhile, the elites are frolicking in Switzerland and Ireland (thanks, Fergie!), Epstein's files keep dropping bombshells, and Russell Brand is rocking a leopard-print shirt at his rape trial. It's all connected, folks: a culture of impunity where the powerful get away with everything, from sexual assault to environmental destruction.

'Dirty Business' is a wake-up call, a stark reminder that 'trust the science' only works when the science isn't being bought and paid for by corporate interests. So next time you're thinking about taking a dip in the ocean, maybe check the sewage map first. And remember: stay salty, my friends. This is far from over.

We need to drain the swamp – both literally and figuratively. Hold these water companies accountable, demand real regulatory reform, and stop letting them treat our environment like a toilet. And for God's sake, someone get the EPA on the phone. Oh wait, they're probably busy regulating plastic straws.

In the end, the docudrama highlights the deep rot in our system where profit matters more than people and corporations face zero consequences for their actions. Something has to change.