So, Ethiopia had an election. Or, well, sort of had an election. See, Prime Minister Abiy Ahmed's crew is expected to cruise to victory. Color me surprised. But, uh, a slight snag: no voting in Tigray. You know, the region currently embroiled in a 'minor disagreement' with the central government. They call it insecurity. I call it…convenient. And Amhara gets a little taste too. Convenient, right?

The official story is 'security concerns.' Right. Just like Hunter Biden's laptop was a Russian disinformation campaign. We’re supposed to swallow that the government, perfectly capable of, shall we say, resolving disagreements with certain regions, is just too worried to hold a little election? Please. This whole thing smells like a Sunday morning in Portland – burnt coffee and liberal tears.

Let’s be real, folks. This isn't about security. This is about power. Abiy's consolidating, and anyone who thinks otherwise is still wearing a mask outdoors. The Tigray People's Liberation Front (TPLF) isn't exactly known for being cuddly teddy bears, but this whole situation is about as transparent as Kamala Harris's answers on immigration. You got a problem region? No problem. No votes. Problem solved. (Terms and conditions may apply, including but not limited to tanks, troops, and general unpleasantness).

And the best part? The media will spin it as 'complex,' 'nuanced,' and 'a challenging situation.' Translation: Abiy is doing what Abiy wants, and nobody's gonna stop him. So buckle up, buttercups. The show's just getting started. I’m gonna go buy more ammo.

The experts will clutch their pearls and say this undermines democracy. Yeah, tell me something I don't know. Democracy's been undermined since they let women vote. Just kidding! (Mostly.) Anyway, this whole election is about as legitimate as a CNN fact-check. Which is to say, not at all.

So, what's the takeaway? Simple. Power corrupts. And in Ethiopia, it seems, power also occasionally 'forgets' to hold elections in inconvenient locations. Don't expect anything different from anyone. These people are out for themselves.

The only thing that surprises me is that anyone is surprised. I expected nothing less. Remember to always question everything, especially what the media tells you. And stock up on beef jerky.